FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM.

Oooh baby don't you know i suffer?
Oooh baby cant you hear me moan?

Today the toilets, water fountains and doorknobs were covered in vasoline.
The floor was littered with dixie cups.
The senior class had a picnic and a game of Red Rover.
Squirt gun wars filled the school.
There was a dance to the Cupid Shuffle in the hallway.
There were a ridiculous amount of Myspace shots taken.

And we are free.
:D

Except for the almost daily graduation practices and finals next week.
But who cares?

Hold up. Wait a minute. Put a little love in it<3

Hey love. i've got music in my heart today. songs are playing my thoughts on the radio. its a good day. Not sure how i'm feeling. i'm floating, for several different reasons and i feel like i'm on top of the world. But i'm pretty frustrated too, mostly cause this rut is getting old. But everything's about to change.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Excluding college, tomorrow is the last day i ever have to be in schooling. 18 years will end in a couple weeks. This is nuts.

SO. Countdowns:
Done with classes: 1 day/7 hours
Done with classes and finals: 3 days/ 15 hours
Graduation: 12 days
My 18th birthday: 10 days
Graduation Party: 16 days

Question:
Why does breathing seem so strange when you think about it, and so difficult to do when you're concentrating? Why is it so simple and so smooth when you don't even stop to realize its happening?

Give it all to see you fly

Thank you to the Saint who has spurred my latest addiction song, "Young" by Hollywood Undead. i always liked My Black Dahlia by them, but i never looked at their other stuff.

Seriously. i'm posting the lyrics. This song is bloody brilliant.

We are young
We are far
Born in this world as it all falls apart
We are strong
We don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

I see the children in the rain like the parade before the pain
I see the love, I see the hate, I see this world that we can make
I see the life, I see the sky, Give it all to see you fly
Yes, we wave this flag of hatred, but you're the ones who made it
Watch the beauty of all our lies passing right before my eyes
I hear the hate in all your words. all the wars to make us hurt
We get so sick of so sick, we never wanted all this
Medication for the kids with no reason to live

So we march to the drums of the dammed as we come
Watch it burn in the sun - we are numb

We are young
We are far
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We are strong
We don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

As we walk among these shadows, in these streets, this field of battle
Take it up, we wear the medal, raise your hands with burning candles
Hear us whisper in the dark, here in the rain you see the spark
Feel the beating of our hearts, fleeting hope as we depart
All together, walk alone against all we've ever known
All we've ever really wanted was a place to call our home
But you take all we are; the innocence of our hearts
Made to kneel before the alter as you tear us apart

So we March to the drums of the dammed as we come
Watch it burn in the sun - we are numb

We are young
We are far
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We are strong
We don't belong
Born in this world as it all falls apart

We will fight or we will fall
Till the angels save us all

Music is music, but some songs become anthems. And even though in the words of My Chem "the anthem won't explain it", it's good as hell that the world has hearts that beat in the same way. i hope everyone finds their anthems, so that when you see someone else pouring their heart to the same melody, you don't feel so alone.

Interesting idea. What is popularity? Being surrounded by relationships with no strings attached, or loving and being loved? i know people, i love knowing people. i love people knowing my name, but i love knowing others more. Knowing a face is beautiful, but knowing a heart means more. Am i a bad person? Am i glutton for emotional punishment? Am i heartsick hormonal semi-teenager? Couldn't tell you. But hey. Lets talk.

11 MONTHS. :)

What is the difference between selfishness and mental health? Where is the line between caring about yourself, and not caring about others?

Love yourself so that you may love others.
Then no one can ever call you selfish.
But love yourself.
So that you can truly understand love.


(p.s. laziness and lack of muse makes handling two blogs absurd. i'm one person. take it or leave it. shuttin' down the other blog and posting everything here.)

PROM WAS THIS WEEKEND.
:) it was too wicked for words.
Sometimes i love being a girl. For example. It allows you to occasionally dress up your hair and skin, put on flowing fabric and pose for pictures. Okay, not a big fan of the last one when parents are involved, but who can resist a good myspace shot with people you know? :)
Prom, Afterprom and Cedar Point. Won't ever forget them.

i've been having a strange revelation. All my life i've been considered old for my age. Part of that was probably coming from being an only child and dealing with adults and older cousins all my life. When i was in grade school i felt like a teenager. When i was in middle school i felt like a teenager. Now i feel like a teenager, only older. But weirdly enough, now i don't know what i feel like. Suddenly i'm finding people younger than me who i relate to better than people who are older than me. Have i just stopped maturing? Am i latching onto younger people because i don't want to move on to college? Or is this a sign that i should be spending the rest of my life working with teenagers, like i've been wondering for awhile now? i wonder if as every year passes by, the youth are forced to grow up more quicker and quicker. Why is it i feel like i can have a deeper intellectual conversation with a 16 or 17 year old then a lot of 20 year olds? Is it me, or is it culture?
Hmm. That seems to be a very popular question.

You Do Not Exist. o_O

Buddhism:
"Why are you unhappy?
Because 99.9 per cent
Of everything you think
and of everything you do
is for yourself-
-and there isn't one."

You as you are is one person. But you will never exist as you are in this moment ever again. Even if you have the most boring day of your life, that boredom will have changed you even the slightest- but it's still a change.

Puts things into perspective. Decisions made for you at this moment won't last, because a single change can revolutionize yourself entirely. Decision should be made for something greater, such as morals you believe in, people you love, or goals you hope for. And even then, things can change. Life is a moving river, according to Buddhism, and just as soon as you know what's going on, everything changes. But there is some hope, cause just like a river there is always the water that flows along with you, moving slightly ahead, then slightly behind. Things do change with you, as do people.

i think the catch is learning how to make decisions for your whole self, and for your life. Not just for yourself in the moment.

Go with the flooooowwww.

So.
Do you ever have that moment in life where you are completely and totally, one hundred percent, baffled?
Because i am.
And when you realize that you have nothing, absolutely nothing to go on, nothing to give you any advice on which way to go, what the bloody hell do you do?
i know what i do.
i ask for advice. :)
And that advice was extraordinarily helpful, and a fail at helpfulness (<3 you, you know i do). Don't think too much, just go with the flow. And see where whoever does have a clue decides to go (of course she phrased it much more eloquently than i did).
So i'm gellin'. i'm chillin'. i'm flowin'.

Bring it on.