Don't hate me.
Please.

i'm so sorry.

no matter how brightly the sun shines
if the dust on the window goes untouched
all we get is a soft haze.

wake up.

that window won't clean itself.

when i was younger i saw my daddy cry
and curse at the wind
he broke his own heart and i watched
as he tried to reassemble it

and my mother swore that she would never
let herself forget
and that was the day that i promised
i'd never sing of love if it does not exist
but darling...


sixteen months.
seems like so much longer, really.

i am facing the skeletons in the closet, the bodies under the bed. too many things have been plaguing me without my realization or my intervention-- and i can decide to be happy as much as i want, but i can't keep putting bandaids over gaping holes. Its time to cut away the infection, sew them closed, and kiss them to make them feel better.

i find that i love more.
i love others
i love myself
i love God

but i've never been one to settle for the mediocre when offered a chance to be the best i can at something that truly matters.
and since love truly matters.

sixteen months. i'm still breathing. =]

life doesn't make sense.

i don't know how sensible people survive.

Never give in.
Never give up.

Chaos, turmoil, utter and complete stupidity.
But throughout it all, the truth, the soul, the heart still beats.
Hold onto the pulse. Don't forget what this world is really about.

"Its the storm not you that's bound to blow away"

Maybe its time for a little patience.

Say whats on your mind, don't make me guess.

i wish i could read you like you can read me.

This is the brand new start, this is the life i've always wanted.

Let me go. Your pulling is tearing me apart.

I WANT TO DO THIS. I WANT TO MAKE IT HAPPEN.
but in all honesty, i'm terrified i can't do it.

Here's to a new stage, a new life, a new everything. i'm eradicating the worn stones, cleansing the venom from my veins. Rebirth from rebirth-- the phoenixes are never just born twice. So here it comes, the battlecry that has been steaming in my veins until the blood boils with a passionate heat that will overcome my everything.

i want to be that person.
God willing, i will be that person.

i am not afraid.
i am not alone.
i am not another existence to pass unnoticed.

Thank you, sunsets. Your light has warmed cold skin for oh so long.
Thank you, dark nights. Your chill has given meaning to aching bones.
And thank you, new dawns. i exist for you.

BRING IT ON BABY.

offer it up

So when the sky is falling, don't look outside your window.

There has to be fate. There just has to. Why else can two strangers make eye contact from across a room, and know that without a doubt they are meant to be friends? Why is it that someone can repeatedly reappear in another's life, even when they are trying desperately to stay away?

And why is it that there are these beautiful moments where someone you hardly know, a complete and total stranger, a face, a name, a meaningless existence to you-- can walk by and take with them every breath you had, so that you are left staring silently and gawking?

Well i am not that foolish, shy, embaressed little girl i was before. You can't take the breath from my lungs so easily as the last time you came around.

But i still remember every second with you. You still command my everything with the blink of an eye.

So here is my offer.
Let's skip the awkward conversation, and the slow get-to-know-each-other's. And go straight to the part where we're exactly what each other needs.